Everythings different, Nothing changed

I can always fall back on to a hanson song lyric when I need a title, but most of all right now it's true.

Another year has come and a lot is different in my life right now then what almost 8 or 9 months ago I last updated. But nothing has changed you know like the movie 16 candles you wake up and you see your the same person and nothing is different over night thats how it feels but in years for me.

Since I've last blogged , I went on the rock boat which was tons of fun, Jessica got married, Jessica had a baby girl, I went to NYC for a week, I traveled to Minn, Omaha, milwaukee, Madison and Chicago for hanson rooney tour , in my last blog how i talked how i wanted it to be 07 again those bands were two of the reasons it was so awesome and like i knew it would be those shows were amazing for me. But it's almost like i knew my highs where really high so far my low has been really low.

I've had prombles with my vision, it started before i went to NYC but i just thought it would go away. It didn't so i was with my sister for a few weeks after NYC it became a wow i really should have seen someone yesterday issue for me and i did go to a doctor for it, I'm going to cut the very long story short I came home saw more doctors had more tests run it turns out there is a reason the last few years i felt like crap i have Idopathic Intracranial Hypertension.

It sucks but when my meds work i feel amazing but when they don't work i feel like hell. it's amazing i didn't know how much pain i was in till i took my self out of it for a moment then i releized how much pain i've been living with for 2 years at least.

I don't know if that means this year my highs will be amazing and my lows as bad as they come but i'm tried.

I'm tried but i want to still do everything i want to travel more i want to see more but i'm afraid now i'm afraid of letting the pain i've worked so hard not to feel and i'm feeling it again now that i know the reason why my shoulders always hurt, now that i know why i have those wooshing in my ears i know why my vision was messed up and now i know why i started to have headaches.

It's yet unseen how IIH will effect what i want to do on a petty level. so far i had to cancel plans earily this year for travel so i could do tests but i just say my health is more important then traveling friends and fun. oh and music.......... i still got to go to some shows not as much as i wanted to as many as i had planed but i did it.